---as i write this tonight,i still have one pot to wash and a rice cooker to clean up. i still haven't brushed my teeth. my dog, finn, wants to play "who's the boss around here" but have opted to just lay beside me, maybe patiently waiting when i'll finish typing - errrr, that would be an hour and a half before hubby comes home from work (hopefully, i could find time to brush my teeth in between).
---i wouldn't say much about how i came to know about facebook, but it was upon the invitation of my 'kumare' andromeda alayu-roberts (she was actually my first friend to appear among my contacts); secondly, my daughter recommended facebook since friendster was already a dying breed then. although i was still hooked on friendster, even wrote several blogs there - whatever i felt i needed to write, it was all written down there. i also kept numerous pics - from mhelai's baccalaureate mass and graduation rites. to sum it up, friendster was my "friend" even if they say it was already passe. and so with a heavy heart, i moved on to facebook. it was back to square one, a new learning process, very much different from friendster. but i was getting the hang of it. i felt i'd also be more at home with it and maybe find new friends, old friends, relatives, relationships (hi hi hi) or maybe personalities/celebrities. and i think i made the right choice.
---i met old friends from friendster, leigh casambros, siege & cristy malvar, olive ochoa and a lot of mhelai's HS & college friends. i have discovered old relations from my childhood years. then came the games. this, friendster didn't have - i was hooked on cafe world! i felt there was a need for me and the notebook to be always together so my dishes won't get spoiled! so lilli had to be with me most of the time at the malls - thank goodness SM has a prestige lounge where i can comfortably "cook" and "serve" my dishes. there was never - and i mean never a day when i didn't log in to FB. i needed to check who's there, what posts are interesting so i can make comments, who's online, check my cafe world, check my pet society, check my private messages. it was addicting!!! FB was always on top of my list!!
---then came my interaction with LIBERA. my contacts suddenly added to a surprising 3 to 110! but i didn't have any regrets about this because i made friends through this choirboys from south london. and not only through the internet - we met, personally! chix abellanosa, romina enopia, riel sacop, doris solidum, joel andaya, jon de castro, eric pazziuagan, mitch young. in short, these strangers became a family to me. to this day, even if some of us went through rough waters because of different opinions and views concerning libera, i still treasure their friendship no matter how short it was & even some of the names i mentioned are not in my contacts anymore. but still we all met on FB.
---facebook brought joys and sorrows. i made friends with some, hurt the feelings of a few. i also had my share of frustrations from some whom i thought were my friends. and so i made the decision of subtracting quite a number of those pretending to be my facebook friends. but still it was interesting to read the highs and the lows of people (mine included). whatever it was that was interesting for that day, it's all documented. countless frustrations, loneliness, depressions, there was always something to share. even pets are not spared. there is a section where interaction among pets are shared.
---so why did i say FB is taking over my life? because i literally "breathe" it. i can't disconnect from it. it's like taking away something that's so important that once it's all gone, there's no way you can get it back. my new-found friend, estella kim from canada, has told me she'd "unplug" from the technology of computers for the time being. hats off to her if she can withstand days or months away from her computer, away from facebook. i can't. one day of not being able to log in sends a different sensation - it's like a feeling of withdrawal from your last cigarette.
---and so it's facebook after breakfast through lunch. FB again in the afternoon through midnight. i wished i was being paid for this, hah hah. everyday is a new adventure on facebook. there is always something new to look forward to, something good to share with friends (and strangers), something to sell, something to talk about, fight about. recently, a libera fan and a friend from bacolod has told me he has found his "love" through libera and facebook. that's nice.. i have made friends myself from malaysia, indonesia, united kingdom, united states and italy. and after this blog? it's back to my favorite games on mindjolt!!
P.S. i was successful in brushing my teeth, cleaning the rice cooker and washing the pot. finn has decided to just sleep on this rainy thursday, rather friday morning (12:15am).. i love you, FB....
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
...may this soul burn in hell....
---every once in a while we have our sisters, brothers, friends, wives, husbands, BFF (best friends forever) or even a kind-hearted soul out in the streets to confide our deepest secrets with. this is normal esp in our younger years when we confide our "crushes" or "secret loves" to our best friend. i cannot recall now who i confided my secrets with but i had one favorite niece who became my partner in doing character assasinations. and i also recall a good friend who is now in toronto, canada whom i trusted confiding my personal secrets/problems & character assasination, as well. i missed both of them. the character assasination part was fun - i dare anyone who has not been doing this in her entire life!
---character assasination or in other linggo 'pang o-ok-ray" sa kapwa is done discreetly. you don't do this openly, less it will spark a nasty relationship esp when it's done among your friends or relatives. and this is the main point of my blog.
---when husband got back from australia, it took sometime before he got this job at bangko sentral (BSP) to work as a staff with a monetary board member. a wife of his cousin works at the library section of the bank. this woman (let's call her "lucy") doesn't have a good reputation in human relations. she looks down upon a number of people around her. she looks down on all the relatives of her husband, her mother-in-law included). husband has already warned me in befriending lucy since he has already known her from adam & the wicked character she has. but i didn't listen. and to this day, i regretted why for the first time, i defied my husband's warning in exchange for friendship with lucy.
---wow, we hit it off rightaway. we would exchange phone calls & text messages, hi's and hello's until bitchy as both we were, our conversations eventually touched on the lives of relatives - the guzmans & banataos. at first, they were honest opinions and views about the lives of these people. then our opinions turned to mockery and eventually we were already doing character assasination on each and every relative, rich & poor.... take note, i said "we" because i'm not a hypocrite in admitting my part of the game while towards the end this SHIT OF A WOMAN just pinned on me saying those things about them. i really don't know why she kept my text messages and maliciously showed them to the persons concerned. and she kept denying saying it was "accidental"? wow, how can you be so stupid showing and sharing private messages to people involved in what was supposed to be a discreet conversation between only 2 persons? up until today it still puzzles me. what was her motive? if only to destroy me to my husband's relatives? why? what will she benefit? what will i benefit? oh yes, i know now. i was made to appear as the wicked one.
---and to you - yes, YOU! you know who you are. you succeeded in destroying my reputation to the guzmans & banataos. and how about your part of the story. do these people know what were also your exact nasty words towards them? shame on you! you were saying a mouthful against the banataos - esp those in the US and yet you have the nerve to step inside their mansion in america (those were your words) and mingle and show your angelic face to them! mahiya ka naman sa kaluluwa mo!!! ting & i and my daughter, perhaps will never have that opportunity to step inside that mansion so i have nothing to say about it. you also talked about their riches, about how ugly they are and endless blah-blahs about their richness. you talk about how these people had their noses and faces done. shame on you for being chummy-chummy with yvonne and yet you stab her behind her back.
---i have kept my silence for so many years. cried buckets and stomach the shame, insults and dagger looks of the guzmans and banataos. and now that i have experienced the same during the wake & burial of my mother-in-law and i finally concluded there is no more light & hope for my sister-in-law to patch things up again. and so i'm opening up old wounds again because when i saw you again during the wake and burial, i wanted to kill you 10 times over if only to redeem myself.
---i have been kind to mama while you never even laid your eyes on auntie paro; i spoon-fed mama when she was hospitalized while you never even handed your mother-in-law a glass of water; i had happy memories with the relatives of my husband while you only bragged about your money to them so you can always be there when needed - for the love of money. and shame on you if you can show your face to your husband's relatives in cagayan if it's your mother-in-law's time - oh you will, because you have your money, anyway.
---your reputation in your office speaks highly of your character. you're bossy, arrogant and a bitch in the highest form. and for what you have done to me and the others whom you've looked down upon, your actions are unforgivable. i can always be right, go get yourself another name because you don't have the HEART of a kind person.
---character assasination or in other linggo 'pang o-ok-ray" sa kapwa is done discreetly. you don't do this openly, less it will spark a nasty relationship esp when it's done among your friends or relatives. and this is the main point of my blog.
---when husband got back from australia, it took sometime before he got this job at bangko sentral (BSP) to work as a staff with a monetary board member. a wife of his cousin works at the library section of the bank. this woman (let's call her "lucy") doesn't have a good reputation in human relations. she looks down upon a number of people around her. she looks down on all the relatives of her husband, her mother-in-law included). husband has already warned me in befriending lucy since he has already known her from adam & the wicked character she has. but i didn't listen. and to this day, i regretted why for the first time, i defied my husband's warning in exchange for friendship with lucy.
---wow, we hit it off rightaway. we would exchange phone calls & text messages, hi's and hello's until bitchy as both we were, our conversations eventually touched on the lives of relatives - the guzmans & banataos. at first, they were honest opinions and views about the lives of these people. then our opinions turned to mockery and eventually we were already doing character assasination on each and every relative, rich & poor.... take note, i said "we" because i'm not a hypocrite in admitting my part of the game while towards the end this SHIT OF A WOMAN just pinned on me saying those things about them. i really don't know why she kept my text messages and maliciously showed them to the persons concerned. and she kept denying saying it was "accidental"? wow, how can you be so stupid showing and sharing private messages to people involved in what was supposed to be a discreet conversation between only 2 persons? up until today it still puzzles me. what was her motive? if only to destroy me to my husband's relatives? why? what will she benefit? what will i benefit? oh yes, i know now. i was made to appear as the wicked one.
---and to you - yes, YOU! you know who you are. you succeeded in destroying my reputation to the guzmans & banataos. and how about your part of the story. do these people know what were also your exact nasty words towards them? shame on you! you were saying a mouthful against the banataos - esp those in the US and yet you have the nerve to step inside their mansion in america (those were your words) and mingle and show your angelic face to them! mahiya ka naman sa kaluluwa mo!!! ting & i and my daughter, perhaps will never have that opportunity to step inside that mansion so i have nothing to say about it. you also talked about their riches, about how ugly they are and endless blah-blahs about their richness. you talk about how these people had their noses and faces done. shame on you for being chummy-chummy with yvonne and yet you stab her behind her back.
---i have kept my silence for so many years. cried buckets and stomach the shame, insults and dagger looks of the guzmans and banataos. and now that i have experienced the same during the wake & burial of my mother-in-law and i finally concluded there is no more light & hope for my sister-in-law to patch things up again. and so i'm opening up old wounds again because when i saw you again during the wake and burial, i wanted to kill you 10 times over if only to redeem myself.
---i have been kind to mama while you never even laid your eyes on auntie paro; i spoon-fed mama when she was hospitalized while you never even handed your mother-in-law a glass of water; i had happy memories with the relatives of my husband while you only bragged about your money to them so you can always be there when needed - for the love of money. and shame on you if you can show your face to your husband's relatives in cagayan if it's your mother-in-law's time - oh you will, because you have your money, anyway.
---your reputation in your office speaks highly of your character. you're bossy, arrogant and a bitch in the highest form. and for what you have done to me and the others whom you've looked down upon, your actions are unforgivable. i can always be right, go get yourself another name because you don't have the HEART of a kind person.
a showcase of personalities, statuses, cars & hypocrisies...
---i will not elaborate further my relationship with the relatives of my husband as i have already written quite a few unpleasant experiences with them in my first blog (about the death of my mother-in-law). detailing each & every experience will make me more look like a sore loser to the point of sulking & asking for self-pity.
---i had only 2 occasions to go visit her wake, and it was not so good as this relative (ann) made me an 'unwelcomed' guest so i was forced to stay outside the chapel and thereby left after only about a half hour's visit. add to that, my sister-in-law wasn't really interested in accepting me back as a member of the family inasmuch as i wanted to do my share as a daughter-in-law/sister-in-law, i felt that i already had no business & contribute something to the wake.
---there were unending discussions and tears here at home if i would go & attend the funeral. husband left me with the decision & did not argue nor gave in to pressure. he left it all up to me. i never made it hard for him. inasmuch as i really did not want to show up, i knew in his heart that i'd be doing him a big favor attending his mother's funeral, after all he is the "bunso" or the youngest.
---yesterday, the 8th, the 3 of us (husband, me & carmela) attended. mass was officiated by fr. engelberto guzman-gammad who flew all the way from san jose, calif. it was a showcase of how life has been lucky for those who arrived in well-polished vehicles, a relative sporting blonde hair who did all the works on her face (& i remember her to be pretty & charming years back. ah, see what money can do). then the "cream of the crop" came. he is my m-i-l's favorite nephew, being one of america's top contributor to information technology. he was said to have been in a meeting with our newly appointed president before he came for the funeral. but in due fairness, this family has been so good to us. i remember their parents (the father being my m-i-l's brother) has been extremely generous even before carmela was born. we will never forget the kindness & generosity of the banataos. our relations just had a strain because of some nossy relatives who didn't want to see harmony among us.
---ann has a twin sister (malou) who, just months back announced to the entire barangay roxas that she won a car in a raffle. as wicked as her twin, she instantly paraded her toyota-vios in front of the house - checking on it every single minute & even made a side remark that she has to leave due to an impending rain & she didn't want her beloved vios to get stuck in a flood. say what? it was just a rainshower & not a repeat of typhoon ondoy! in ilocano linggo, we call it "ag-bibisin" meaning one who hungered for something for a very long time. in fact, we see her now as if she has already started to idolize her car! oh brother!!!! before winning that car, when she'd come here to visit her twin (ann), she would come in quietly, with umbrella on hand, perspiring profusely. and now that she has her vios, well....
---yesterday, while waiting for the mass to start, i was seated outside over the rented tent and was chatting with a favorite relative (pacquing guzman). came the personalities in their shimmering-splendid 4-wheeled vehicles. they are the rich and royalties. we are the "in-betweens" living modestly, & came with our reliable 1997 model & ever-dependable "pogi". the others came in old models and rusty vans. i thought i'd still see a hired bus but thank goodness all the people fit in each other's 4-wheeled vehicles.
---the mass went on smoothly. fr. toto alternately said his mass in english, spanish & itawis. his homily was touching (touching for the others but not exactly for me). there was still sheer hypocrisy to what he said but let's give it for the dead. that was to be the last spoken for her so... during the offertory, there were 5 persons tasked to offer: vincho (candles); carmela (flowers); mitos (chalice); vivian (wine) and the vios woman (hosts). wow, what a sight! vios woman wanted to go first, ahead of carmela and this clearly showed (if i had a camera with me) that she shoved carmela so she could go first, whah!!! good thing, husband (who was the lector) saw this and motioned her to let carmela go first. strike one.
---start of the funeral cortege, all 4 siblings rode in one vehicle, as the saying goes. and they were supposed to be behind the hearse. one vehicle followed (that was supposed to be car no. 2 whom i supposed carried sister-in-law's family), so i gave due respect and stayed close as car no. 3. whoa! horror of all horrors, vios suddenly appeared and followed car no. 1!!! WTF! so now, i concluded the wicked twin was just parading her beloved vios, wanting to be first in line, never mind if she breaks protocol & respect from the other "IMMEDIATE" family members. strike two.
---there was the usual rites before the burial but i chose remain distant. i looked at all their faces. i know some were whispering why me, as the daughter-in-law did not even come forward to pay my last respect. this thing has to be settled by me & my m-i-l in private. i don't need an audience to say how sorry i am for my shortcomings, i don't need people to comment on how loud my wailing was even if it was fake, i don't need to show off because it's not my style. and lastly, i know where my family stand. i don't need to brag about anything to those relatives, rich or poor because i value sincerity. at first we all hit off right away - i remember how the people in iguig received us warmly during our few occasional visits in cagayan. yesterday, it was like meeting them again for the firt time.
---i hope my m-i-l, wherever she is now will certainly somehow appreciate how good a daughter-in-law i was before our relationship strained until we stopped talking & seeing each other up until she passed away. i was a good wife to her son, raised my daughter to be a good person & never brought shame to the guzmans. i hope she rests in peace now & let us, the living go on with our lives.
---i had only 2 occasions to go visit her wake, and it was not so good as this relative (ann) made me an 'unwelcomed' guest so i was forced to stay outside the chapel and thereby left after only about a half hour's visit. add to that, my sister-in-law wasn't really interested in accepting me back as a member of the family inasmuch as i wanted to do my share as a daughter-in-law/sister-in-law, i felt that i already had no business & contribute something to the wake.
---there were unending discussions and tears here at home if i would go & attend the funeral. husband left me with the decision & did not argue nor gave in to pressure. he left it all up to me. i never made it hard for him. inasmuch as i really did not want to show up, i knew in his heart that i'd be doing him a big favor attending his mother's funeral, after all he is the "bunso" or the youngest.
---yesterday, the 8th, the 3 of us (husband, me & carmela) attended. mass was officiated by fr. engelberto guzman-gammad who flew all the way from san jose, calif. it was a showcase of how life has been lucky for those who arrived in well-polished vehicles, a relative sporting blonde hair who did all the works on her face (& i remember her to be pretty & charming years back. ah, see what money can do). then the "cream of the crop" came. he is my m-i-l's favorite nephew, being one of america's top contributor to information technology. he was said to have been in a meeting with our newly appointed president before he came for the funeral. but in due fairness, this family has been so good to us. i remember their parents (the father being my m-i-l's brother) has been extremely generous even before carmela was born. we will never forget the kindness & generosity of the banataos. our relations just had a strain because of some nossy relatives who didn't want to see harmony among us.
---ann has a twin sister (malou) who, just months back announced to the entire barangay roxas that she won a car in a raffle. as wicked as her twin, she instantly paraded her toyota-vios in front of the house - checking on it every single minute & even made a side remark that she has to leave due to an impending rain & she didn't want her beloved vios to get stuck in a flood. say what? it was just a rainshower & not a repeat of typhoon ondoy! in ilocano linggo, we call it "ag-bibisin" meaning one who hungered for something for a very long time. in fact, we see her now as if she has already started to idolize her car! oh brother!!!! before winning that car, when she'd come here to visit her twin (ann), she would come in quietly, with umbrella on hand, perspiring profusely. and now that she has her vios, well....
---yesterday, while waiting for the mass to start, i was seated outside over the rented tent and was chatting with a favorite relative (pacquing guzman). came the personalities in their shimmering-splendid 4-wheeled vehicles. they are the rich and royalties. we are the "in-betweens" living modestly, & came with our reliable 1997 model & ever-dependable "pogi". the others came in old models and rusty vans. i thought i'd still see a hired bus but thank goodness all the people fit in each other's 4-wheeled vehicles.
---the mass went on smoothly. fr. toto alternately said his mass in english, spanish & itawis. his homily was touching (touching for the others but not exactly for me). there was still sheer hypocrisy to what he said but let's give it for the dead. that was to be the last spoken for her so... during the offertory, there were 5 persons tasked to offer: vincho (candles); carmela (flowers); mitos (chalice); vivian (wine) and the vios woman (hosts). wow, what a sight! vios woman wanted to go first, ahead of carmela and this clearly showed (if i had a camera with me) that she shoved carmela so she could go first, whah!!! good thing, husband (who was the lector) saw this and motioned her to let carmela go first. strike one.
---start of the funeral cortege, all 4 siblings rode in one vehicle, as the saying goes. and they were supposed to be behind the hearse. one vehicle followed (that was supposed to be car no. 2 whom i supposed carried sister-in-law's family), so i gave due respect and stayed close as car no. 3. whoa! horror of all horrors, vios suddenly appeared and followed car no. 1!!! WTF! so now, i concluded the wicked twin was just parading her beloved vios, wanting to be first in line, never mind if she breaks protocol & respect from the other "IMMEDIATE" family members. strike two.
---there was the usual rites before the burial but i chose remain distant. i looked at all their faces. i know some were whispering why me, as the daughter-in-law did not even come forward to pay my last respect. this thing has to be settled by me & my m-i-l in private. i don't need an audience to say how sorry i am for my shortcomings, i don't need people to comment on how loud my wailing was even if it was fake, i don't need to show off because it's not my style. and lastly, i know where my family stand. i don't need to brag about anything to those relatives, rich or poor because i value sincerity. at first we all hit off right away - i remember how the people in iguig received us warmly during our few occasional visits in cagayan. yesterday, it was like meeting them again for the firt time.
---i hope my m-i-l, wherever she is now will certainly somehow appreciate how good a daughter-in-law i was before our relationship strained until we stopped talking & seeing each other up until she passed away. i was a good wife to her son, raised my daughter to be a good person & never brought shame to the guzmans. i hope she rests in peace now & let us, the living go on with our lives.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
my mother-in-law...may she rest in peace.
---i haven't been on speaking (nor looking) terms with my mother-in-law for years now. i've lost count already but i can hear her voice since she lives just a few meters from where i am. i'm not the perfect daughter-in-law, nor is she the most lovable mother-in-law. as the saying goes, rarely does a daughter-in-law have that good relationship with her in-laws. mine was sweet in the beginning until it turned to a bittersweet relationship which eventually turned sour until her death last july 1st. but up until my father-in-law passed away in 1997, my relationship with both of them were warm, save for the efforts i did for my father-in-law at a time his death was met with a strong typhoon which rendered manila with blackout for weeks. since my husband is the poorest among 3 children (two are residing abroad), i thought it deemed & necessary to contribute physically than monetary. i did errands during his wake, served guests during the 9th day wake, accompanied my mother-in-law to fix her late husband's social security - all these i did, wholeheartedly (with pangs of hunger in between).
---i will not write down the details of my domestic life but the main issue here directed to me was the fact that my parents-in-law were so kind to have already given us the title of the 4-door apartment in the form of a donation. this was given to me as a birthday gift before i gave birth to my daughter carmela in 1986.
ergo, in the eyes of my husband's relatives "you were given a property, so you have to be "nice" and "serve" your mother-in-law, no matter cost it will take. bottomline is - i have to be nice, kind, sweet, - i have to be a puppet - all because of this property that was given to me. weh!
---in the years that follow, relatives took care of m-i-l but were properly compensated by my sister-in-law in spain. i took the role of a "chorus line", i was there only if needed. but the nossy relatives could not take this. either i take the role of a "slave-servant" or they will 'benefit' from whatever will be left by my mother-in-law.
---one of these relatives, maryann gante(on the guzman side), a widow with 3 kids just came and volunteered to be the old woman's caretaker/caregiver. she is a guzman and not a banatao (side of my mother-in-law). our relationship went well in the beginning. i supported her kids in any way i can, which i won't elaborate here anymore. i noticed some flaws on how she was taking care of the old woman so began endless frictions between us. until it came to a point she cooked up something to gain everything - ATTENTION & TRUST of the old woman, my sister-in-law in spain, brother-in-law in australia and all the relatives, here & abroad. she won. i became the bad & mean daughter-in-law & sister-in-law, a proud wife. i just woke up one day to find myself as small as a dot, distant from everyone. the 3 of us (me, husband & daughter) were suddenly alienated from everyone! that took years. each & every relative who visited my mother-in-law were met with cooked-up stories from her until the hatred (i have no other term) grew into a mound. i was not a dot anymore... i was nothing to them...
---now that my mother in law is lying in state, i have only visited her twice. the first night i had to leave the chapel and sat outside the concrete slab because soon as this relative saw me, she mumbled inaudible sounds which prompted my husband to lead me outside, less tempers rise. last night, my second visit, for the first time, i spoke to my husband's first cousin. sister-in-law met me but still with apprehension (or should i say a wall?). everything was cordial. i met my s-i-l's family (husband and daughter) and i missed them. terribly missed them. i met the wife of my brother-in-law whom i've missed, too. she has always been nice to me & my family but because of maryann's cooked-up stories about me, we drifted apart.
---even if i wanted to mingle with them, i can't. there's still a feeling of uneasiness. maryann and the other relatives she has poisoned their minds with were lingering last night while i was talking to some people in the chapel. i compare them to dogs, i call them "dobermans brigade". they were listening, carefully watching my every move. hoping & praying that my sister-in-law and i will never speak to each other again. at this time, i think she has succeeded. and i pray to my mother-in-law to give me this last chance of reconciliation.
---i will not write down the details of my domestic life but the main issue here directed to me was the fact that my parents-in-law were so kind to have already given us the title of the 4-door apartment in the form of a donation. this was given to me as a birthday gift before i gave birth to my daughter carmela in 1986.
ergo, in the eyes of my husband's relatives "you were given a property, so you have to be "nice" and "serve" your mother-in-law, no matter cost it will take. bottomline is - i have to be nice, kind, sweet, - i have to be a puppet - all because of this property that was given to me. weh!
---in the years that follow, relatives took care of m-i-l but were properly compensated by my sister-in-law in spain. i took the role of a "chorus line", i was there only if needed. but the nossy relatives could not take this. either i take the role of a "slave-servant" or they will 'benefit' from whatever will be left by my mother-in-law.
---one of these relatives, maryann gante(on the guzman side), a widow with 3 kids just came and volunteered to be the old woman's caretaker/caregiver. she is a guzman and not a banatao (side of my mother-in-law). our relationship went well in the beginning. i supported her kids in any way i can, which i won't elaborate here anymore. i noticed some flaws on how she was taking care of the old woman so began endless frictions between us. until it came to a point she cooked up something to gain everything - ATTENTION & TRUST of the old woman, my sister-in-law in spain, brother-in-law in australia and all the relatives, here & abroad. she won. i became the bad & mean daughter-in-law & sister-in-law, a proud wife. i just woke up one day to find myself as small as a dot, distant from everyone. the 3 of us (me, husband & daughter) were suddenly alienated from everyone! that took years. each & every relative who visited my mother-in-law were met with cooked-up stories from her until the hatred (i have no other term) grew into a mound. i was not a dot anymore... i was nothing to them...
---now that my mother in law is lying in state, i have only visited her twice. the first night i had to leave the chapel and sat outside the concrete slab because soon as this relative saw me, she mumbled inaudible sounds which prompted my husband to lead me outside, less tempers rise. last night, my second visit, for the first time, i spoke to my husband's first cousin. sister-in-law met me but still with apprehension (or should i say a wall?). everything was cordial. i met my s-i-l's family (husband and daughter) and i missed them. terribly missed them. i met the wife of my brother-in-law whom i've missed, too. she has always been nice to me & my family but because of maryann's cooked-up stories about me, we drifted apart.
---even if i wanted to mingle with them, i can't. there's still a feeling of uneasiness. maryann and the other relatives she has poisoned their minds with were lingering last night while i was talking to some people in the chapel. i compare them to dogs, i call them "dobermans brigade". they were listening, carefully watching my every move. hoping & praying that my sister-in-law and i will never speak to each other again. at this time, i think she has succeeded. and i pray to my mother-in-law to give me this last chance of reconciliation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
