my mother-in-law...may she rest in peace.

---i haven't been on speaking (nor looking) terms with my mother-in-law for years now. i've lost count already but i can hear her voice since she lives just a few meters from where i am. i'm not the perfect daughter-in-law, nor is she the most lovable mother-in-law. as the saying goes, rarely does a daughter-in-law have that good relationship with her in-laws. mine was sweet in the beginning until it turned to a bittersweet relationship which eventually turned sour until her death last july 1st. but up until my father-in-law passed away in 1997, my relationship with both of them were warm, save for the efforts i did for my father-in-law at a time his death was met with a strong typhoon which rendered manila with blackout for weeks. since my husband is the poorest among 3 children (two are residing abroad), i thought it deemed & necessary to contribute physically than monetary. i did errands during his wake, served guests during the 9th day wake, accompanied my mother-in-law to fix her late husband's social security - all these i did, wholeheartedly (with pangs of hunger in between).

---i will not write down the details of my domestic life but the main issue here directed to me was the fact that my parents-in-law were so kind to have already given us the title of the 4-door apartment in the form of a donation. this was given to me as a birthday gift before i gave birth to my daughter carmela in 1986.
ergo, in the eyes of my husband's relatives "you were given a property, so you have to be "nice" and "serve" your mother-in-law, no matter cost it will take. bottomline is - i have to be nice, kind, sweet, - i have to be a puppet - all because of this property that was given to me. weh!

---in the years that follow, relatives took care of m-i-l but were properly compensated by my sister-in-law in spain. i took the role of a "chorus line", i was there only if needed. but the nossy relatives could not take this. either i take the role of a "slave-servant" or they will 'benefit' from whatever will be left by my mother-in-law.

---one of these relatives, maryann gante(on the guzman side), a widow with 3 kids just came and volunteered to be the old woman's caretaker/caregiver. she is a guzman and not a banatao (side of my mother-in-law). our relationship went well in the beginning. i supported her kids in any way i can, which i won't elaborate here anymore. i noticed some flaws on how she was taking care of the old woman so began endless frictions between us. until it came to a point she cooked up something to gain everything - ATTENTION & TRUST of the old woman, my sister-in-law in spain, brother-in-law in australia and all the relatives, here & abroad. she won. i became the bad & mean daughter-in-law & sister-in-law, a proud wife. i just woke up one day to find myself as small as a dot, distant from everyone. the 3 of us (me, husband & daughter) were suddenly alienated from everyone! that took years. each & every relative who visited my mother-in-law were met with cooked-up stories from her until the hatred (i have no other term) grew into a mound. i was not a dot anymore... i was nothing to them...

---now that my mother in law is lying in state, i have only visited her twice. the first night i had to leave the chapel and sat outside the concrete slab because soon as this relative saw me, she mumbled inaudible sounds which prompted my husband to lead me outside, less tempers rise. last night, my second visit, for the first time, i spoke to my husband's first cousin. sister-in-law met me but still with apprehension (or should i say a wall?). everything was cordial. i met my s-i-l's family (husband and daughter) and i missed them. terribly missed them. i met the wife of my brother-in-law whom i've missed, too. she has always been nice to me & my family but because of maryann's cooked-up stories about me, we drifted apart.

---even if i wanted to mingle with them, i can't. there's still a feeling of uneasiness. maryann and the other relatives she has poisoned their minds with were lingering last night while i was talking to some people in the chapel. i compare them to dogs, i call them "dobermans brigade". they were listening, carefully watching my every move. hoping & praying that my sister-in-law and i will never speak to each other again. at this time, i think she has succeeded. and i pray to my mother-in-law to give me this last chance of reconciliation.